Dear Diary
by Dr. Platinum
Summary: Deceased. That's what the doctors pronounced Chases friend. His friend he never told he liked. The one he never dared to say he loved. Now it was too late. To late to answer. Too late to accept. What caused this death? Anger, sadness, or something else...?
1. Chapter 1

AN This is written in the form of an anthro.

" **Why did he do it? What caused this up to get to the point of no return." I step into his room and notice the pups diary sitting on the end table. I picked it up and began to read the enlisted entries that were written in a language that only me and him understood. I hopped up on the bed flipping through some pages, my eyes never leaving the brown leather book. It all confused me as memories began to link up with different notes. I took a deep breath in and closed the book.**

" **I need to start from the beginning." I opened to page one and dove deep into the life of my friend.**

Dear Diary, It's very nice to meet you. I suppose I should give you a name but I'll probably end up calling you Diary anyhow. LOL. Ryder said that you'd be a good tool to have to help deal with my sadness. I'm not always the happiest person inside and that often leads to uncontrollable anger and dark thoughts. This is my second week in this little band called the Paw Patrol and I've made a friend if you could believe it. His name is Chase. I don't know why but he changes my mood almost instantly. All he has to do is touch my soft fur, say my name, look into my eyes. He really is a good friend. Maybe more… I got to go now Ryder is calling. Please don't tell anyone about our secret. I'll talk to you later.

 **I sighed, this pup had such a personality. I felt the tears well at my eyes, making them shiny and pink. I dipped my head, shaking it back and forth quickly, squeezing my eyes shut, laying my ears back against my skull**

Dear Diary. It's been awhile but I only like to talk to you when I feel the need to. You don't seem to mind too much anyhow. Today we've added another member to our group. He's a little bigger than me and very attention-seeking. His name is Zuma, what kind of a name is that any how, and he's a chocolate lab. We were all playing tag when Chase became 'it'. It all but killed me when he targeted Zuma. I literally ran in front of him trying to gain his attention but he just gracefully leapt over me and continued his pursuit on the chocolate lab. I took off to my room to talk to you. You really make me feel a lot better. They probably don't even notice I'm missing. I talked to Ryder and he says that it's normal for me to be a little jealous over the new pup but that mine and Chase's friendship would stay the same. I disagree.

 **I looked up remembering the day that Zuma joined our group. My ears began twitching as guilt flooded my mind, while I began the next entry.**

Dear Diary. Me and Chase got into a fight today. Zuma and him were playing ball in the yard and I ran out of patience. Chase hadn't played with me in days. Heck, outside of missions, he didn't even speak to me. I walked up to them casually and asked if I could play. Zuma instantly said yes, happy to have another pup to play with, But at the same time, Chase said no. I could barely hold it in as I calmly asked him to repeat himself. A cold no is all I got in response. Apparently he was 'too busy playing with his friend' to bother with 'interruptions like me' who are 'unable to walk straight'. I lept at him clamping around his throat. Like I said before, I have issues dealing with my anger. I probably would have killed him if Zuma didn't enter the scene. He pushed me off the brown german shepherd and pinned me to the pavement. I quivered as tears fell down my face. I squirmed underneath the lab, teeth bared, trying to bite the german shepherd who just sat there dumbfounded. Ryder came out and sent me to my room to calm down. You really helped.

 **I took a deep breath in. I had never been so terrified in my life. Not even the recent events amount to the fear I felt that day the feeling of thinking that I was honestly gonna die.**

Dear Diary, You'll never guess what happened today! We got a new member added to the group. At first I was a little cautious at taking this mix breed in because of what happened with Zuma and Chase, but it's odd. I tried making a friendship with him but he didn't seem to care too much about me he just kept asking about 'the brown pup that was hanging around.' Realizing that he might be able to take Zuma away from Chase brought me no greater joy. I know I probably shouldn't be doing this but let's not look at it like a distraction for Zuma. Instead let's think of it as me welcoming another pup into the Paw Patrol. Have Chase to myself is just one of the benefits. And there he is now, calling my name. I half want to ignore him, want to make him feel the pain I feel but I don't want to lose him again. See you soon.

 **I squinted, thinking about what I read, realizing the life this pup lead was literally just to be with me.**

Dear Diary. I just had the most amazing day! I actually got to spend more than ten minutes with Chase. He told me that he was sorry for treating me the way he did. He wants to be friends again! I'm thrilled. There's nothing that I want more than to be with Chase.

 **I sighed and shook the tears away once more, almost shutting the book until the fancy writing on the next page caught my eye.**

Dear Diary, Today is my twelfth birthday. I spent a lot of the time next to Chase but for some reason, he was a little extra touchy today. Tonight me and Chase are camping out together in the Lookout. I just came in here to grab my sleeping bag. I promise I'm gonna give you a name one day.

Dear Diary. I just had the best night in the world. Me and Chase played games and talked for a lot of the night but after a couple hours, we both drifted off to sleep. I woke up to movement as cold hit my body. My eyes peeled open and met a greyed-out brown face, and glowing amber eyes. "You're shivering." He told me simply, as he climbed into my sleeping bag beside me. I moved closer to him, letting my fur come into contact with his. I smiled as the bigger dog held me comfortably, having to curl in my sleeping bag, due to him being big for his age and me being small for mine.

Half way through the night, I woke up as a steady beating entered my head, pounding throughout my body, giving me a feeling of rest and comfort. My ears twitched as wetness touched my back while I nuzzled into the softness on my right, taking a deep breath through the nose. The scent that filled my nose was hypnotizing; holding the smell of sweat, fur, shampoo, food, and musk. I opened my mouth, taking a deep breath in letting the flavor rest on my tongue when I felt the warmth beside me shift to on top of me, sending chills up my spine.

I lifted my head and felt wetness touching my damp nose. I smiled and opened my mouth, turning my head, licking at his neck, skin covered in fur. I felt a the skin on his throat pull tight as a solid bump came out, vibrating as it held Chase's deep growls, light breaths, and soft moans. I felt the heat rise of off my back as his muzzle connected with mine. I rolled onto my back and gave him another kiss as pleasure rolled through me and into my member, causing it to poke out of it sheath under my red shorts. Chase didn't mind as he stood over me on his hands and knees, dominating me, making sure I was his. He rubbed his brown, soft head against my rough/short-furred chest, sending my fur the opposite way it was meant to sit. He laid down on my chest, his head rising and falling with my breaths, his eyes closing, hiding his amber hues. I smiled feeling his body go limp a top mine, as I closed my eyes again, sleep overwhelming me again.

I woke up laying on my side with Chase at my back, his arms wrapped around my stomach, something poking into my lower region. I reached down, touching his fully hard penis as it poked at my lower region through his clothes. I rubbed his tip against the palm of my paw-hand feeling him shiver in his sleep behind me, full of pleasure and lust. I rolled myself over and slid my paws across his shirt down to the bottom seam, pushing my hands across his stomach, feeling his soft, matted fur rub between my fingers, all the way up to his chest, as his firm muscles flexed beneath my touch. Lifting his shirt up, I felt him shiver as the cool air pressed against his body, his fur tingling, as his head gave a little shake. With some struggle, I began to pull the smooth fabric up over his head, fully revealing his tan chest, as I snuggled into the warm shapes of his body, causing him to let off a moan in the night, while I rubbed each and every crevice, leaving nothing untouched by my white spotted paw.

I soon slid my hands off of his body and placed a paw on my stomach, sliding down to meet the brim of my shorts, as a thousand thoughts charged through my head, all wanting to be made known. 'Would Chase like it? What would Ryder think? Would it scare Chase? Did he know what I was about to do? Will Chase still like me?' All these thoughts diminished when I felt another paw touch mine, sending heat through my arm and into my chest, making my heart run like a marathon. I looked up and saw Chase staring at me, throwing me a look of knowingness and approval, as he slid my hand down into my shorts, as my adamance poked out of its sheath. He let go of my hand and wrapped his middle finger and thumb around my pink tip, sliding down his hand came into contact with the edge of my sheath as he slid it down and off of my hardening schlong, forcing a moan out of me as I quivered at the touch of his cool paws against my warmth.

He placed a paw on my hand, as it sat under the band of my shorts, and moved it to his navel, sliding it down, the tips of my fingers sliding in. I wrapped my fingers around his hard prick, feeling it flex at my touch, His paw drew out of his shorts and around the band of mine, fur touching fur, pulling my pants down to my ankles, almost squealing in delight as i groped him a little harder, rubbing up and down across his pinkness, my shorts came fully off, getting lost somewhere under the sleeping bag. I pulled his pants down, in return, the feeling of undressing him, running through me like a hurricane, making my penis go alittle longer, a little harder. Both of us being naked, Chase pulled my closer to him, our erections touching, sending my and Chase higher than we ever thought we could go. I felt a bulging in my chest as cried out, releasing something wet all over him, as he released on me, the pleasure overwhelming me, I passed out.

I woke up the next morning on my back next to Chase, smiling I cuddled into him, closing my eyes again when I found myself mid air. I cried out as my naked body hit the cold, concrete floor, pain shooting through my body. Confused and hurt, both physically and emotionally, I sat up shaking, my tail between my legs, asking him what it was I did wrong. He just stood up, got dressed and walked away, his face wearing a sad and disappointed look, leaving me in a pile of unanswered questions as he locked his room door behind him. All I can do now is cry, I don't even know why though, I wasn't majorly hurt, but I am confused, crying or confusion is stupid though. I think I have a name for you though. I'm gonna call you Geheimnis. Its German for secret. I'm sorry for dropping my cold sloppy tears on you. I'll talk to you later Geheimnis.


	2. Chapter 2

**I sighed as memories of that night flooded my mind. I woke up to the feeling of something being terribly wrong, looking up and saw him shivering huddling into a ball, looking like he might consume into himself. I stood up and shook him awake.**

" **Are you okay? I'm gonna climb in with you. You're shivering." I climbed into his sleeping bag beside him. I felt him move closer to me, letting our furs come into contact with each other. I smiled and wrapped my arms around the smaller dog holding him comfortably, having to curl in his sleeping bag, due to him being small for his age and me being bigger for mine.**

 **Half way through the night, I woke up and felt him nuzzling into me. I smiled and laid a lick down his back, not really thinking too hard about what I was doing, getting on my hands and knees, standing over him. I reached down laying a kiss on his nose. He smiled and opened his mouth, turning his head, licking at my neck, I pulled up letting out a soft moan, feeling his tongue lay against my throat, his muzzle connect with mine, as he rolled onto his back and gave me another kiss causing my dong to poke out of it sheath under my black pants. He rubbed my brown, head against his rough/short-furred chest, lying down on his chest, feeling the rise and fall of his chest beneath me with each breath, my eyes slowly closing.**

 **I woke up to the feeling of the smooth fabric of my shirt being pulled up over my head, fully revealing my tan chest, as he snuggled into the warm shapes of my body, causing me to let off a moan in the night, while he rubbed each and every crevice, leaving nothing untouched by his white spotted paw.**

 **I felt his hands leave my body, I sat in silence for a minute feeling nothing. I opened my eyes and saw his paw resting on his stomach, the tips of his fingers pressed under his waistband. He looked up and our eyes met, sliding our hands down into his shorts, as my heat** **poked out of its home. I let go of his hand and wrapped my middle finger and thumb around his pink tip, sliding down, my hand coming into contact with the edge of his sheath as I slid it downwards, forcing a moan out of him as he quivered at the touch of my cool paws against his warmth.**

 **I placed my paw on back his hand, as it sat under the band of his shorts, and moved it to my navel, sliding it down, the tips of his fingers sliding in. He wrapped his fingers around my hard prick, feeling it flex at his touch, my paw drew out of my shorts and around his band, fur touching fur, pulling his pants down to his ankles, almost squealing in delight as he groped me a little harder, rubbing up and down across my hardness, his shorts came fully off, getting lost somewhere under the sleeping bag. He pulled my pants down, in return, the feeling of undressing him, running through me like a hurricane, making my penis go a little longer, a little harder. Both of us being naked, I pulled Marshall closer to me, my erection touching his, sending me and Chase higher than we ever thought we could go. I felt a bulging in my chest as cried out, releasing something wet all over him, as he released on me, the pleasure overwhelming me, I passed out.**

 **I woke up the next morning on my back, Marshall snuggling into my chest, as the nights events traveled through my head, fear began to cripple my body and I threw him out of my reach and jumped up, my ears going back in anger, tail going between my legs.**

" **Sorry." I said walking away and locking myself in my room. I sighed and began reading again.**

Dear diary, I slept with Chase tonight, again. He didn't wake up and it was so wonderful. Touching him between the legs, feeling him go hard in the night, making him explode whiteness all over the bed. Something about it though just felt so wrong. Touching him there without permission. Giving him pleasure that he didn't request, intimacy without approval. Maybe he did wake up but didn't complain. I don't know but- i don't know. Why do I love do this to him? Do I love him? Am I gay? No gayness is bad. If there was anything that he taught me before he died it was that. I miss my dad Geheimnis. I really miss him. He was a lot like Chase actually but, I never wanted to do to him the things I do to Chase. I love the feeling of his fur against my body, my hand-paw erecting his member, as the scent I love fills my nose, the taste of his wetness on my tongue, his anus surrounding my member. What's wrong with me. Do you think I should talk to Ryder? Me too.

Dear Geheimnis. I tried talking to Ryder but fear overcame me. I'm scared of his reaction but most of all, his disapproval. In the end I told him that I couldn't decide on something. The boy sighed and gave me one statement; "Don't think, just answer." and now I have a confession. I think I love Chase. We're going out tonight as 'friends', dinner, a movie, and then a walk in in the park, talking about nothing in particular. I'm gonna tell him how I feel tonight confess my heart, letting him know that I want to spend every waking moment with him with him, the sleeping moments too. I can do this!

Dear Geheimnis. Its me again not with good news. Everything went as planned until the moment came. I got on one knee and he look at me with an excited/scared look. "Chase" I whispered as fear began to cry out to me, taking me in it's grasps. "I need to tie my shoe." I quickly said, looking down, I heard his footsteps walk away as I tied my laces back into place. I shook my head. I needed to tell him. "Chase?" He turned around and smiled sadly at me. "I know." I tilted my head. He looked at the ground and then at me. "I'll see you tonight." He gave a little wiggle of the eyebrows and then walked away. I don't really know what he meant but I'm pretty sure, he meant our nightly activities. It's 10:00 now and I'm gonna go meet up with him.

Hello Geheimnis. It really has been a while but you're the only person I can talk to about this. First off, mine and Chase's relationship has grown. It's rare a night goes by that I don't sneak into his room, filling my lust with hours of pleasing him. Second, we've got a new member. Added about a week ago, her name is Skye, a really stupid name if you ask me, a cockapoo with creamy fur, a pale belly and chin, glowing pink eyes, and total control over Chase, but he doesn't even see it, blinded by her flapping eyelashes. Last night, I crawled into bed with him, having already lost my shorts, laying licks a long his muzzle making him aware of my presence, but all I got in return was, "Not tonight." Now him telling me that he was tired every now and again, wasn't uncommon but this was the fourth day in a row. Usually I respect his choice and just lay down next to him, falling asleep in each other's arms, not tonight though. I was far, far from soft down under and need some actual release. I began to lay licks along his body, rubbing the sensitive spots I had found during intercourse, ignoring me, I whispered his name into his ear, coolly and erotically, making them twitch, his eyes clamp, and his teeth grit. "You know you want it." taunting him, he huffed and sat up. "Marshall? Can you go to your own bed?" I was dumbstruck. This was new "I'm sorry. I'll just lay down and let you sleep." His head shook, his ears down, eyes shut. "Please just sleep on your own for tonight." My ears flattening, face drooping, eyes wielding tears, I nodded, standing up as the cool air hit my body. Walking to the door, I looked back, maybe seeing an apologetic look, all I saw was the back of his head. I ran to my room to spend most of the night crying into my pillow, screaming curse words at the cockapoo. I hate her! She is a bitch and I don't mean that in a factual way! I'm gonna sleep with Chase tonight weather he likes it or not, even if we don't do anything… exciting, I just want to feel his fur against mine, sniffing in his scent. I need him. Well the sun's coming up and Chase will be up soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**I turned my head looking at the next page only, it was ripped in half from top to bottom. A few words stuck out like Chase, pillow, and hate. I sat back remembering the conversation that followed that morning. I woke up and rolled over as my eyes met with blue, making me jump under my covers.**

" **Marshall? What are you doing in here?" He just stared at me, blank expression covering his face, a white pillow sat on his naked lap. Standing up, he lifted the pillow holding onto the sides of it, exposing his dog-hood. He stood next to my head board and held the pillow over my head. I couldn't move. Was this the end? I could already see the headlines; Anthro pup murdered after denial of sexuall intercource with teammate. Eyes moving from the pillow to his blue eyes, I stared, accepting my death, tears began to when up in his eyes. He dropped the pillow and lept onto the bed, wrapping his arms around my neck, ears against his head, and salty water falling from his eyes soaking my chest.**

" **It's okay. It's okay." I said rocking him back and forth, wrapping my arms around his torso, rubbing his back sensually. After a few more weeping moments, he rolled over beside me and took a deep breath in. Suddenly feeling very needy, I rolled over sitting on my haunches above him, one leg being on either side of his waist, I began to kiss his muzzle, and rub my hand-pads against his chest.**

" **Ch-chase. I want to talk about... our relationship." He sat up and leaned against the headboard, his body sliding underneath me so I was sitting above his shins.**

" **You're my best friend. Good talk!" I replied to his seriousness, sliding forwards so I sat above his upper thighs, my knees sitting on either side of his waist.**

" **No- Chase." he placed a paw a in front of my muzzle, placing his fingers around the length of it, pointing them towards my face, I began licking his palm. "I mean our personal relationship. Like the one that makes us want to touch each other in special places." He removed his hand off of my face, wiping slobber along the side of his torso, as I answered with a shrug.**

" **We both enjoy having sex and our natural needs are fulfilled through it. And speaking off." I leaned in, Marshall placing his hands on my chest, stopping my motion. I reached forward with just my head and stuck out my tongue, its tip just brushing his nose.**

" **Well technically we don't have sex, we mostly just rub eachother until we release." I rolled my eyes, wrapping my hand around his sheath, putting him right where I wanted him, his prick poking out.**

" **Like this?"**

" **Chase!" He moaned out, his eyes closing, head going up, mouth making an 'o' shape, ears reclining behind his head. Three days later and he was more sensitive than a cut to the bone. I slid my lower body down his legs, sitting on my hands and knees, my muzzle resting above his hardness. I gave the tip a kiss his hands going from the sides of his body, to the back of my head, my ears resting in between the thumb and index finger his hands. I felt pressure on the back of my head, pushing me closer to him, his eyes burning a hole in my skull. I wiggled myself free and hopped off of him, sting to my feet beside the bed, walking over to my closet. After rummaging through my closet I found the packet holding the long white objects I was looking for, looking over to the bed, counting in my head, I took out 10 of the designated plastic sticks I turned and flashed a grin at Marshall, holding my hand up, his eyes going wide, trying to run to the door. I quickly intercepted him and pushed him back to the bed, laying him down on his back.**

" **Chase! Please don't." I grinned and pushed his right arm upwards, tying around his wrist one of the zip ties from my closet, then weaving one through the first, and tying it to the spindles that lined my head board. The left arm was next, then the left foot and right foot, one zip tie going around each ankle, and tied it to the footboard. He sat in silence as I did so.**

" **Chase." He whispered, looking at me through shaken eyes. I sh'd him and laid a lick up his navel, and to his throat.**

" **Marshie" I whispered into his ear, he gasped.**

" **Please stop." I shook my head and took the last two zip ties, wrapping it around his muzzle, one at the base and one at the tip, a little bit of his tongue sticking out. He looked up at me with a sad face, but his eyes held excitement and lust. I rubbed my paws down his chest and onto his thighs, rubbing down to his knees on the outside, and up to his crotch on the inside. He quivered and pulled at his bonds.**

 **I leaned down and blew on his member causing it to erect further. Licked the tip of his erection and slid my head all the way down, taking him fully into me.**

" **MMMNNN!" his member twitched inside of me daring to explode. I licked along the bottom of his dong, pulling my head up, our eyes meeting. I touched the top of my mouth with the tip of my tongue, wrapping my lips around his tip, pushing down so his end pushed hard against the underside of my tongue. He cried out in pain/pleasure as his member was pushed down as it tried to grow in length.**

" **Kleemp!" I looked up at him, confused at the sound he let out, my head tilting, ears standing at attention, mouth closed.**

" **Chay! Mrrrr." His torso bust up as he stood on his hands and legs, placing his erection in my face. I smiled seeing his need charge through him**

" **More?"**

" **Nnnhmm" I smiled and shook my head ears twitching in excitement, his eyes holding a twinkle of joy.**

" **You like it?"**

" **Mrr. Mrr. Mrrrrr!" I smiled, kissing up his muzzle, snuggling and rubbing him everywhere except where he wanted to be. His eyes shut, his face showing desperation but also a hint of knowledge, pulling at his restraints, the plastic edges cut his skin. After more than enough struggling, he managed to free his left hand and pulled the plastic straps off of the end his muzzle, stretching his mouth a few times first before speaking. His ears folded back, eyes wide in fear.**

" **Ch-chase. Please stop! Ryder's gonna be up soon! We're gonna get caught!"**

" **I know. The fear almost makes it's more fun." He shook his head.**

" **Chase please let me go." not extremely sure as to why but his words meant nothing to me, I wanted this so much and refused to let him out of my grasp.**

" **Aw… you look so cute when you beg."**

" **Chase I'm not kidding!" his ears flipped forward and his eyes held a look of determination.**

" **Neither am I." I raised my eyebrows at him.**

" **Chase-" We suddenly heard footsteps above our head, and the sound of an elevator; fear ripped through me, my ears falling back, eyes going wide. Why didn't I listen to him? I jumped off the bed panicking.**

" **Chase drage that table over by the bed and then put that, that and that on it." I ran around collecting the item he asked.**

" **Put the blanket over me and then stand beside the bed holding that in the air." The door opened just as I stood beside the bed holding the object up above his body.**

" **Chase? Marshall? What are you doing?" His forehead scrunching as his face wore a confused image.**

" **Were just playing torture chamber!" Marshall said with a smile. Ryder nodded slowly and walked out, even more confused than before. Breathed a sigh of relief, I helped him out of his bonds and into his clothes, sending into his own room to get dressed. He saved me.**

 **I flipped the page and continued reading.**

Dear Geheimnis. I don't know whether to be terrified, angry, or happy at Chase. Yes I said no and yes he ignored me and forced me, but then again I did ask for it. I am so lost, too scared to even talk to him, scared of saying something about that night. Why do I feel so guilty? I've walked up behind him, script written out in my mind but just before I can say his name, fear cripples me, he tries to talk but all I do is shake my head. I usually just sit next to him, head leaning on his shoulder, eyes closed as the wind blows on my face, his scent filling my nose, fur against fur. I love him so much. It's been a week and tonight I'm gonna try to start a conversation with my eyes closed, that way I can't see him and get scared of his glowing amber eyes. Out of sight, therefore, out of mind…


	4. Chapter 4

**I remember that conversation well. He knocked on my door. I opened it and he said 'Hi' as I pulled him into my room to talk privately, nearly bursting with news. I sat down on the bed beside Marshall, trying my hardest to let the words from my brain, form in my mouth and come out. My tail was going a hundred miles an hour as I stuttered and closed my eyes, I finally managing to say;**

" **Me and Skye are dating!" I opened my eyes and saw his pale face, whiter than usual.**

" **Chase, that's great." He smiled weakly and stood up, walking to the door, his tail dragging, ears down, muzzle clamped shut. "I'm very happy for you." I stood up as he opened the door.**

" **Marshall, Marshall, Marshall." I soothed grabing him gently by the arm, pulling him back into my bedroom. "Marshall, you and I have something very special, something that can never be broken."**

 **He looked up at me, eyes swelling with tears, ears pointing up. "R-really" He began wiping his eyes.**

 **I nodded. "As long as my name is Chase, I'll be there for you."**

 **He smiled. "Ch-chase…? I l-love you." A chill went up my spine and I hugged him, feeling my body against his, warmth being shared both physical and emotional. After a minute, I heard a sound in my ears, a whisper, almost a sliver, of a shaky whimper. Coolness touched my fur in the form of small teardrops.**

" **Hey Marshall don't cry. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here." He shook free of my grasp, eyes dripping with saltiness.**

" **But you're not there. The only time you need me is if you want something! Else you're off playing with your 'girlfriend!'"**

 **I was taken back, I had never seen something like this in Marshall before "Marshall… I-"**

" **Do you love me Chase?"**

 **I just sat there, staring at him, not really knowing how to answer him.**

 **He just shook his head, "What is the point of this conversation? You're not gonna change. I'm done."**

" **What do you mean done?" My ears his my skull, eyes wide, tears beginning there charge out. My heart thumped, lips quivered, I already knew the answer, but I needed to be sure.**

 **He stood up. "If you need someone to sleep with, don't call on me!" He charged out of the room, the door slamming behind him.**

" **M-marshall…?" I collapsed on the bed, tears falling down my face so many emotions filling my body, exhausting my brain in mere minutes. Did I love him? I don't know… Before this I considered him my friend with benefits but he clearly didn't feel the same. He had tried talking about us several times, more times than I can remember, but I always answered him the same; "We're just friends." Sighing, I continued to read.**

Hey Geheimnis, this is that last time I'll ever talk to you. I know Chase will read you once I'm gone and that's okay, you've served me well over the last few years and below this entry, You may ask why I'm leaving and well it's quite simple. I didn't come from a great home. My father did the best he could but working 72 hour shifts, leaving his 11 year-old son alone to take care of himself definitely has a push on someone's life.

My mom left when I was six, leaving me and my dad alone and hurt; him more than me. He became a hard, cold person. I felt unloved by both my mother and my father. Suicide had played its cards before but I had never paid too much attention to them, that is until my dad died. I found no reason to live. I had no friends, no family, just a big pile of hurt.

Then Ryder found me. He actually found me moments before I would have been dead. A knife to the throat, a quick death, alone in my room. Only my stuffed animals to comfort me. I laid down on the bed and drew the kitchen knife out from under my pillow, turning it over in my hand, brushing the blade, making sure it was sharp. I placed the point up to my throat and counted down in my head. ' _3'_ I drew it back and into position. ' _2'_ my eyes squeezed shut as my grip around the handle strengthened. ' _1'_ The blade flew up as a knock was heard on my door. My hands froze, the tip just millimeters away from my neck.

Huffing I shoved the knife back under my pillow, stood up, and to answer the door. My fur was everywhere, I hadn't left that room in over a week. I used the bathroom that attached to my room when I had to go and used the tap when I needed water. The only thing I ate was a slice of bread once a day from the loaf I had brought in the day after my dad's funeral. I stepped over the clutter of broken things in my room. "Can I help you?" The light blinding my sore eyes.

"You must be Marshall?" I nodded, my eyes beginning to adjust to the brightness. "You're gonna come live with me now… I'm gonna come pick you up in two days so I need you to pack some things that you'd like to bring with you." I shrugged and the human walked away. I looked down as my eyes met his. I blinked a couple times before introducing myself to the pup before me.

"Name's Marshall."

"Chase." he said taking my hand in his as the human called him away. "I got to go now but I'll see you again soon." Chase was the only reason I had to live but now he's gone, Skye took him from me and she will pay! I'm apologizing ahead of time. I'm sorry Skye. I don't want to hurt you but I know the next time I see you, I'm gonna go ballistic. Chase I love you. Good bye.

 **His name was written in face letters along the bottom of the page and a envelope with my name written on the front. I opened it and all I saw was cash, loads and loads of cash, all in hundred dollar bills. As well as a small note.**

"Dear Chase everything that I have is in this envelope. Please take care of Skye, and don't play with her emotions. Be loyal and honest, not afraid to show your feelings. Love her like I have loved you. I didn't want to leave you but I know it's for the best. I don't want to hurt anyone more than I already have and I know I was selfish to try in ake you from the one you love. I thank you for the 4 years of life you spent with me, the four years that were based purely off of your love. Please keep this letter and money a secret, tell no one not even Skye, not even Ryder! Also tell no one about my love. If anyone asks we were friends and friends only. Enjoy your life! Get married, have pups, take one day at a time, enjoying each and every moment that you have. They are precious. I love you so much. You were a great friend, a better listener, a fantastic night companion and my little officer. And since I won't see you again, good morning, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!"


End file.
